April Fools and the joke’s on us: How pious of Allison Suter [Riffs, April ’05] to worry about our guitar straps when her raw material derives from a processing industry that worldwide creates a holocaust of animals every week. Jennifer Batten makes an appearance in 1993 in the 101, list ignoring Elizabeth Cotten laying the groundwork for the ’60’s folk boom before the 20th Century dawned, Sister Rosette Tharpe playing Chuck Berry riffs in 1941, Maybelle Carter practically inventing country music as we know it, and Carol Kaye switching from guitar to bass in 1965 and becoming a legend. And a paid up connoisseur of pedophilia advertising a tuner [page 159, presumably]. Vegetarians, animals, women, and children offended. If only you could have gotten Zakk Wylde to turn savage on you for asking faggoty-ass questions you could have had a clean sweep. You are the magazine equivalent of Ted Nugent, without the brains. Or humanity. If I had told you how great you are and how good my tits look in a black t-shirt, I might have been published. Damn!